Southern Michigan Lake Living

 

Christian Science

 Republicans figuring out how to justify a convicted felon heading the ticket.

Winter 2023/2024

These are pictures I took of the spots where we spent most of our time in Alabama and Mississippi last winter. We chose these spots because the weather was pleasant, they had woods and water, plus they had good Verizon service. We paid an average of $15 per night and that included electricity and water connections. Karma is real. I’m living my dream life.

Loyalty

FEAR

There's a type of fear that is only experienced when facing almost certain death. Many have experienced this intensity of fear and survived. Perhaps you nearly drowned, or someone who survived a mass shooting, or experienced the phenomena of time slowing down just prior to impact of a car crash. This intensity of panic and fear is beyond my ability to accurately describe to someone who hasn't tasted it personally.

There's a survival mode in our brain called "fight or flight". When triggered, adrenaline floods our body and we get super strong. Our mind speeds up to assess all the information coming in through our senses. Our mind is extremely hyper focused on assessing threats and the best path to survive.

If you ever have this experience, it changes you. It's a snap shot of your life that usually occurs in just a few moments of time but is the most unforgettable and scary moment of your existence. So powerful that you become weak kneed afterwards and must sit down to recover. 

During those moments of the most intense fear you've ever known, your mind doesn't focus on the weather, the color of flowers nearby, or anything else unrelated to pure and simple assessment of threats and calculating the best choices. Some people have been known to freeze, like a deer in headlights. 

So let's say for example, a robber suddenly surprises you when you walk into a bank.  They have a gun pointed at your forehead. Then the next thing you remember is waking up in an ambulance because you were assaulted from behind and knocked unconscious.

Now imagine you are being questioned later about the incident. They ask you what poster was on the wall in the bank to your left when the robber was holding you at gunpoint. It's very unlikely you'll remember obscure things such as this when you're in a survival mode focused on what to do about the guy with the gun pointed at your head.

In 2017 I acquired Functional Neurological Disorder which my physician thinks was from a brain stem injury that occurred years earlier while serving in the US Navy. I now receive disability income from the VA for this. 

This aggravated and triggered my PTSD which I've had since my youth. At the same time I was experiencing a perfect storm series of traumatic life events. I was incapacitated and at times couldn't even stand up or hold my head up. This caused me to acquire a Somatization Disorder and my "fight or flight" system got triggered and I couldn't calm down again. I thought I was dying and so did my friends and family. I was in that state of fear of having a proverbial gun pointed at my head from PTSD for more than two years.

During this time, my complete focus was on survival. I remember very little of events during this period of my life. I don't know why my wife left me. I just know she was sick and I was doing my best to care for her. Then I got sick and she left. The only explanation she gave me was, "you weren't supposed to get sick."

My belief now is she never loved me and was with me for money. When she got ill she wanted to get a divorce so she could leave more money for her kids. Then when she died, I was banned from the funeral, which coincidently, I had paid for. Just a short time ago I watched the memory video on the funeral home website. It hit me in the gut, she was gay, in the closet and using me. Then during a court deposition I was shown evidence of her attempting to illegally conspire to take business assets from me. 

I don't know why my family is estranged from me. My daughter refuses to talk to me. The last thing I remember was she said, "I don't need your money anymore, I have my own."

The only thing that makes sense to me is she thought when my company got stolen that she was going to need to take care of me. She was already overwhelmed with her own life circumstances and the thought of needing to take on caring for me scared the crap out of her. So she made up an excuse to get mad at me and cut off communication. Deep in her conscience she knows she's living a lie. We all have our own lessons in life. I cry for the pain of her Karma because I know the pain of my own.

I'm not going to speak specific to my career, stolen assets, or friends lost.  Details of evil perpetrated against me by Harry Heyer to steal my life's work can be found by reading depositions in Indiana cause 86C01-2204-PL-000053. Personally I don't believe the program I started works now. It's certainly not providing quality, evidenced based services.

In spite of what I've been through, I've held my integrity to the best of my ability. No one can honestly deny this reality. Though many (who know better) doubt me anyway.

I will say this. I lived on about $1,500 per month for three years until I was awarded my VA disability. Despite this, I created an enviable lifestyle admired by many. I've also found true love with the most amazing and wonderful woman I've ever known. She is a living personification of peace and love. 

I've suffered tremendously and unnecessarily due to unfathomable cruelty and lack of compassion from people who claimed to love and care about me. 

I've been able to rebuild myself with the scraps of my life that were left. I have persevered and survived. Those who did their best to exploit my illness severely underestimated me. Plus they underestimated the power of my good Karma. God has been in charge the whole time.

Karma is real. There's nothing another person can say or do to make me say or do something against my conscience. 

My ultimate outcomes of my decisions are the consequences of my choices to act with integrity to the evil things perpetrated by people living in fear. If you want to be happy, always do the next right thing. Integrity matters.

Retired Life

Here are pictures of my cargo trailer I converted into a camper, my girlfriend Debra, and our home base on a lake in Michigan. We travel south whenever bad weather is forecast in Michigan. Usually we prefer to go to beautiful wooded campgrounds in Alabama or Mississippi. Most of the places we go have water views. 

The Most Transformative Moment of My Life

The following incident occurred sometime in 1982.  I accidentally injected an overdose of meth amphetamine and cocaine.  I was feeling scared and sick and ran into the bathroom.  I was very weak and faint and thought i was going to pass out so I laid down on the floor.  Everything began to go black and I felt myself going into convulsions.  Everything was black for a moment then I saw a speck of light and felt myself floating toward the light.  Soon I was going toward the light through a tunnel of lights.  It looked something like when they show going into warp speed on Star Trek TV.

Suddenly I was completely still and engulfed by a soothing white light.  I was talking with GOD but not with my mouth but with my mind.  It was like a mental telepathy.  I didn't see GOD but felt GOD's presence.  I was asking questions about my life.  Why do I live? What is the purpose of life? And things like that.  As fast as I thought a question the answer was in my mind.  I think the best I could describe "the light" is that it is a place of absolute knowledge and understanding.  Thus a complete absence of fear.  The voice in my mind then said, "You're not ready to be here yet", I recall not wanting to leave, it was such a wonderful place of unconditional love, serenity, and peace.  But then I suddenly woke up, completely sober, feeling a tremendous sense of peace.

Afterwards, I felt wonderful and it completely changed my view of life. Everything made perfect sense.  I learned that life is simply a big school.  Our purpose for living is to learn how to love others and how to receive love.  I no longer fear death.  I no longer fear GOD.  GOD is the absolute perfect manifestation of unconditional love, knowledge, compassion, acceptance, and peace.  GOD is nothing to fear.  Fear is a lack of faith in GOD.  Overcoming, or letting go of fear is the human challenge to reach our highest level.  To transcend or rise above the distractions of this school of human experience.  GOD guides us toward accomplishing our purpose through our special, individual connection with GOD...our conscience.  When we allow fear to consume us, we deny, or fail to follow the guidance our conscience provides.  In essence, we deny our own happiness.

GOD gave me a very special gift when I visited the light.  I refer to this gift as "discernment".  When I read a book, or listen to others speak about spirituality, I can tell in an instant whether it is truth or not.

I often feel particularly sad when I hear the words of someone claiming to be a man or woman of GOD and they preach a message of fear or intolerance.  I hear these things often coming from people that call themselves fundamentalist.  Since visiting the light I have read the Bible cover to cover.  As I read I saw the stories acted out in my mind as if it were a movie playing in my head.  I know what the truth in the Bible is now.  Many preachers today twist the words of the Bible and take them out of context.  Any preacher that teaches fear of GOD does not know GOD.  I feel sad about the manner in which these wolves in lamb's clothing scare people.  According to Jesus in the Bible, the highest commandment is to love GOD your father in heaven above all others and to treat others like you would want to be treated.  How can a fundamentalist claim to be a man or woman of GOD and yet violate this highest commandment by attempting to scare others?  Or by practicing intolerance of others such as their condemnation of gays, or people that merely practice other religions.

In the years that followed my visit to the light I went through many changes.  I went to college and everything I learned was filtered through the knowledge I received while at the light, the discernment of my conscience.

Today I know that everything happens for a reason, and for the ultimate good, GOD's will.  I know that all of my life experiences were meant to be.  They were designed to bring me to where I am today.  I know what true peace, happiness, and unconditional love really are.  I've turned my life around from a life of violence and drug addiction to a life with purpose.

For many years I worked as a counselor sharing with others the things I've learned.  Teaching them how to listen to and follow their conscience.  Teaching them how to recognize the dysfunctional thinking habits and beliefs we develop to justify and minimize inappropriate, and often criminal behavior.  Showing them how these beliefs and ways of thinking enable us to manipulate others, but more importantly, to quiet and deny our own guilty conscience.  I wrote an affirmation that I repeat over and over,

"There is nothing another person can say or do that can make me say or do something my conscience knows is wrong."

I've read others with experiences like this and they call them near death experiences.