Accountability is At Hand

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Cause # 86C01-2204-PL-000053

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Am I a Hippie?

 

Just because I have long hair it doesn't make me a hippie.

Just because I made a career of teaching about love, compassion, kindness, and integrity doesn't make me a hippie.

Just because I was an activist for nonviolent social change based upon principles of achieving power through love instead of achieving power through fear and intimidation doesn't make me a hippie.

Just because my life was based upon my interpretation of teachers and mentors of nonviolence like Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, John Lennon, Jesus Christ (not the fundamentalist version btw) doesn't make me a hippie.

Just because I was an anti-war protestor after serving in the military doesn't make me a hippie.

Just because I'm far left-wing, anti-establishment and believe our entire economic and political system is corrupt to the core doesn't make me a hippie.

Just because I've chosen medical marijuana to treat my PTSD and related mental health challenges instead of very dangerous pharmaceutical opiates or benzos (yes I'm a stoner...but I don't drink, smoke, or use any other drugs) doesn't make me a hippie.

Just because I've developed a passion for Yoga doesn't make me a hippie.

Just because I have a van converted into a camper (yeah it looks like a hippie van "inside'), and love parking down by the river doesn't make me a hippie.

I cannot possibly be a hippie. Here's why:

According to https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hippie "hippies are, usually young person who rejects the mores of established society (as by dressing unconventionally or favoring communal living) and advocates a nonviolent ethic."

 I am not young. I've never lived communally except when the military made me.

According to https://www.britannica.com/topic/hippie hippies often adopted a vegetarian diet. Not me for sure. I'm eating high protein with lots of meat. My blood work numbers don't lie, what I'm doing is right for me.

According to a Salon article , hippies "went to Canada or European countries to escape being drafted into military service. They went without bathing, wore dirty, ragged, unconventional clothing, and deliberately broke all codes of politeness or manners. Rock music played an important part in the hippie movement and had great influence over the hippies. Many of the rock musicians they followed belonged to Eastern religious cults or practiced Satan worship."

I did not escape being drafted. I served in the military twice. I am very, very clean and I'm a polite person.....well, unless I'm not. I do accept lots of eastern religious philosophies but I am not in a cult, that would require people around me haha. I'm always by myself. Perhaps I could start a cult? Hmmmmm. I do believe, "All you need is love" and I believe in Karma.                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Now I suppose if I wanted to become a hippie then I could check out WikiHow, "How to Be a Hippie" to improve my game, man. I'm there with the music. WTF am I doing in Indiana?

Relax and Have Fun

I crave a calm, low stress, peaceful life. Everyday I learn new ways not to do it. :) 

I have a beautiful condo remodeled into a little zen palace. Other than my dog Jill, I've been essentially secluded here...seems like forever. Jill is a sweet old lady I rescued. She doesn't bark but she can be a little stinky. 

I also love Yoga. (For Trump supporters...Yoga is not the name of a second dog.) 

My dog Jill doesn't need Yoga, she can already lick her own butt. Seriously, I've seen it! So I don't let that bitch lick my nose. :) I've been doing Yoga twice a week for about a year now. I'm so fortunate to have this wonderful instructor. She's also a nurse and the class was started for veterans with PTSD. I feel like she's made me her project and frankly I'm so appreciative and grateful. I really believe I'm in a protective Karma bubble. The universe is placing the right people in my life at the right time for sure. I feel the same way about my therapist at the Veterans Center, my massage therapist, my private physician, as I do about my Yoga teacher. I'm so fortunate to have this team of healers helping me maximize my potential. Every one of these people connect with my spirit far beyond their professional roles. I'm so grateful for them.

As I was trapped and bored silly during the quarantine I stumbled upon full time travel and van life videos on YouTube. So I started planning my escape. I bought a passenger van, removed the seats, and made myself a modern day hippie camper van. I'm now totally unencumbered and free, ready to wander and explore. I have no agenda except to see interesting places and maybe meet some interesting people. 

I really wish I wasn't going alone. It doesn't feel as much like an adventure if it's not being shared.  I hope to someday find a travel companion. Someone who's better at Yoga than me. It would be awesome if she could suggest places to visit, places to eat, and really awesome if she picks good music to listen to. I don't mind doing the driving.

I am almost certainly going to move away from Indiana. I don't know where to yet. For now the plan is to travel and explore, always staying open to possibilities that present themselves to me in the present moment. Perhaps I'll travel full time and chase nice weather? I don't know yet. My initial plan is to also try to make some new friends. So I'm on dating sites. I figure I can make some new friends in different places. If there's not the right chemistry then perhaps we can become friends such that I could drop by to see them and hangout whenever I pass through their area. Naturally there's always the hope that ONE of the women I meet might eventually become more than just a friend and be my permanent life partner. My track record in relationships isn't very good. So my aim is to meet some awesome women who become awesome friends to share some company and a few laughs from time to time.

Update 3-16: Just to put it out to the universe, my dream would be to meet the perfect woman for me and fall in love. I have decided I am definitely relocating away from Indianapolis. I want my home base to be located in a state with legal medical marijuana. I am a person who must live in line with my convictions based upon the golden rule. I need to live in a place where my behavior is legal because I'm doing the right thing for my long term health and quality of life. I have no clue where that will be but as soon as I find it I will sell my condo and reinvest in my new location. I'm open to the direction in which the universe pulls me. Peace.

INFJ-T

Freedom is just around the corner

If we want to use a map effectively we find where we want to be, then we must find where we are presently located on the map before we can determine the best path to reach our goal. Life is the same way. And along the way we sometimes discover we've made a wrong turn or even decide we want to go somewhere else entirely different than our first destination. 

The past five years I've existed in somewhat of a trauma triggered dream state...mostly a horrible nightmare. It's like my whole life just blew up and I'm mostly powerless and have little control so I just observe and pick up pieces that are left once they fall back within my reach.

I don't want to rehash the same stuff so here's a brief list of some of what   I witnessed. All of my "best friends/buddies" from my whole life passed.  I lost my wife, my family, my business, and the majority of my income stream. I found myself isolated and alone, barely able to stand and walk, and going through the worst divorce imaginable. Then I met another woman who I fell hard for only to have my heart shattered again.  

Throughout the nightmare I kept plugging away seeking all the services I could find available to me especially through the VA. I knew I was in trouble and fighting for my life. Frankly, the VA has kept me alive....yes it got that bad. The services at the VA got me back on my feet and I started rebuilding. I bought a condo and had it completely remodeled into a cozy little zen retreat. I was walking every day, attending classes several days a week at the Veterans Wellness Program, hanging out at coffee shops and trying to make new friends. Then the virus hit. Everything I was doing to recover and build a support structure evaporated. I did however meet a woman who was also in the middle of her own "trauma storm" as I'll call it. We partnered up as friends to help each other through quarantine. We have become very close friends but not physically intimate as I am not in the right place yet to go there. I'm still too hurt to fall in love. As it turns out (which I'll discuss more later) I feel compelled to leave the State of Indiana to avoid potentially getting arrested for my medication choice. But my dear friend and pandemic companion has been found to be in need of a heart transplant. Another gut punch.  It breaks my heart I can't stay to help her. It breaks her heart too I'm sure.

Honestly, in reflection, I've spent the vast majority of my life alone 24/7. I have yet to understand the patterns within me resulting in my isolation and seclusion. I hate it and have yearned my whole life for companionship. I always taught (and believe) our primary purpose in life is to learn to love, and be loved. I used to think my chronic seclusion meant I'd never achieve this purpose.  My therapist at the Vet Center has broadened my view and shown me that's simply not true. My thinking is skewed from violent abuse I experienced as a kid. Enough of that for now.

Back to the present. Two more days until I get my second shot. As I always say, I crave a calm, low stress, peaceful life. Everyday I learn new ways not to do it. :)  

Even though I have a beautiful condo remodeled into a little zen palace. Other than my dog Jill, I've been essentially secluded here...seems like forever. Jill is a sweet old lady I rescued. She doesn't bark but she can be a little stinky. I do hope and intend to relocate to a state with legal medical marijuana. 

I also love Yoga.  Jill doesn't need Yoga, she can already lick her own butt.  Seriously, I've seen it! So I don't let that bitch lick my nose. :)

Trapped and bored silly during the quarantine I stumbled upon full time travel and van life videos on YouTube. Then began planning my escape. I bought a passenger van, removed the seats, and made myself a modern day hippie camper van. I'm now totally unencumbered and free, ready to wander and explore. I have no agenda except to see interesting places and maybe meet some interesting people. At least if I'm alone it will be with a view of the ocean or a forest, not my TV. Peace.

2019 Chevy Express 2500

"Vanilla Express"