Well my wife survived but our marriage didn't. I couldn't endure the isolation and loneliness while she had to "take care of myself" (translation, "Fuck You, your feelings aren't my priority"). Yeah I'm still bitter for sure as I invested myself so completely into my marriage and she turned out in the end to be an absolute disappointment.
I've set about rediscovering myself and doing the work to create this final stage of life based upon the lessons I've learned in how to be happy. So I thought I'd share a little about my life now and where I hope to go from here.
My first agenda has been to get myself physically strong again. Progress is good here. I'm at a healthy weight and still losing. All my labs look great now. One physician told me everything looks much improved from a year ago and it's likely that most of my physical ailments will be alleviated soon, as my body is now taking care of itself since I'm close to a normal body weight. Walking at the mall and other activities with my girlfriend are building my strength more. Very soon I'm going to add sessions on my recumbent machine. Early in my illness I bought a massage chair to help and I've been getting massage therapy weekly. My sleeping has just recently gotten close to normal and I can now usually sleep whatever hours I want.
Recovering mentally has been coming along nicely as well. My psychiatrist at the VA and my therapist at the Veterans Center have helped significantly. I've also been seeing a private counselor. The routines and rituals I put into practice to help sleep have contributed greatly. My somatic symptoms have begun to diminish significantly. Especially as I can now walk and without assistance such as a cane. I still have lots of shaking and twitching, sometimes quite powerful. I've been spending lots of time with a new girlfriend and it's remarkable how much this builds my spirit.