Time Passes

Today I finished another PTSD program at the Vet Center called Cognitive Processing Therapy. This was the second class I completed to get my "high alert" thinking back to a calmer state. PTSD therapy requires teaching the mind and the body to calm down again. So for my body I went through Biofeedback training which basically helped me relearn what "calm" feels like and how to control my breathing. Now I'm doing two other classes working on my body. One is called iRest, Integrative Restoration. They call it sleep yoga. It feels like being hypnotized. I'm also doing a chair yoga class. Medical Marijuana has been a blessing for calming my mind and my body. So has massage therapy. It was an incredibly difficult time to go through but I made it without using opiates or heavy duty benzodiazepines. I have been able to limit use of over the counter Excedrin to probably less than once a week. In my class I learned that when I couldn't walk and was collapsing, it was actually pain. Like if you hurt your foot and can't walk on it. Apparently the pain was enough that my brain shut it off and disconnected from it. I didn't feel pain, I felt weak. I don't really know how to explain this. Apparently however I had enough pain to make me weak to the point of collapse. I do feel pain now. It even hurts to sit on hard surfaces. I think my ability to maintain minimal decent boundaries and limits is returning, thank God. I was having such a struggle and I'm not even certain if this blog post will need to later be deleted. :) My home is almost completely furnished and is full of plants. It looks beautiful.