Thursday, June 13, 2019

June 2019

I remember a couple years back sitting alone in my living room with my wife basically unconscious in the bedroom just reflecting about where I am and how I got there. And I was questioning my life choices that brought me to that moment. I wasn't sure if my wife was going to survive but I was sure of one thing, I wasn't happy. I decided to blow up my life essentially. Time to get back to basics I guess. I had no idea what was in store or how I was in for the fight of my life to survive.

Well my wife survived but our marriage didn't. I'm still bitter for sure as I invested myself so completely into my marriage and she turned out in the end to be so disappointing. 

I've set about rediscovering myself and doing the work to create this final stage of life based upon the lessons I've learned in how to be happy. So I thought I'd share a little about my life now and where I hope to go from here.

My first agenda has been to get myself physically strong again. Progress is good here. I'm at a healthy weight and still losing. All my labs look great now. One physician told me everything looks much improved from a year ago and it's likely that most of my physical ailments will be alleviated soon, as my body is now taking care of itself since I'm close to a normal body weight. Walking at the mall and other activities with my girlfriend are building my strength more. Very soon I'm going to add sessions on my recumbent machine. Early in my illness I bought a massage chair to help and I've been getting massage therapy weekly. My sleeping has just recently gotten close to normal and I can now usually sleep whatever hours I want.

Recovering mentally has been coming along nicely as well. My psychiatrist at the VA and my therapist at the Veterans Center have helped significantly. The routines and rituals I put into practice to help sleep have contributed greatly. My somatic symptoms have begun to diminish significantly. Especially as I can often now walk and without assistance such as a cane. I still have lots of shaking and twitching, sometimes quite powerful. I was spending lots of time with a new girlfriend and it was remarkable how much this built up my spirit. Unfortunately it didn't work out.

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