Thursday, December 20, 2018

December 2018 Update

I'm much more stable emotionally. I am no longer on anxiety medication. I do take an SSRI but it has not alleviated my Conversion Disorder symptoms. I'm still waiting to be assigned a new therapist at the Vet Center. I have lost over 80 pounds now and have 30 pounds more to reach my goal. I tried to do physical therapy but failed. My muscles are getting very weak so I fear my ability to stand and walk is fading....sooo., I hope things turn more positive soon.

I have an awesome Psychiatrist at the VA that has been extremely helpful with understanding my condition and how to best adjust and heal. I'm also seeing two different therapists. I'm so fortunate to have had so many therapist peers to help me match up with the right help. I even felt glimpses of a sense of peace, serenity, and happiness creeping in.

Unfortunately Kim decided she was under too much stress for her to handle in her condition so she had to abandon our marriage while I was very sick in order to take care of herself.  Obviously this resulted in a period of widely vacillating thoughts and emotions on my part. This was truly one of the most painful and disappointing incidents of my life.

However, since Kim left I've been getting way better. I started thinking things through using my own Cognitive Accountability Training (CAT) Model and my clarity, calm and better judgement seem to be coming back and I barely need a cane to walk.

So I'll be starting the new year with a fresh start. I'm also getting out and trying to make friends and build a stronger support system of friends and family. It would be nice to meet a woman companion. I feel so isolated right now. It would really be nice to have someone to talk to and not be alone so much.

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