Loyalty

Vindication

. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of anything.  I view my humble existence and the suffering imposed upon me to be directly attributable to immoral criminal behavior of heartless people with no integrity.   As you can see, you haven’t succeeded. I survive still. They never would have been able to do this if I hadn't become gravely ill due to Functional Neurological Disorder incapacitating me. This was the result of an injury to my brain stem I acquired in the US Navy, according to my physician.

Between  2017 - 2019:

I experienced horrendous suffering.

I also experienced horrific betrayal.

What kind of person perpetuates evil upon a disabled veteran with severe PTSD 

while they’re simply struggling to stay alive? 

Everybody now knows what you did.

 

FEAR

There's a type of fear that is only experienced when facing almost certain death. Many have experienced this intensity of fear and survived. Perhaps you nearly drowned, or someone who survived a mass shooting, or experienced the phenomena of time slowing down just prior to impact of a car crash. This intensity of panic and fear is beyond my ability to accurately describe to someone who hasn't tasted it personally.

There's a survival mode in our brain called "fight or flight". When triggered, adrenaline floods our body and we get super strong. Our mind speeds up to assess all the information coming in through our senses. Our mind is extremely hyper focused on assessing threats and the best path to survive.

If you ever have this experience, it changes you. It's a snap shot of your life that usually occurs in just a few moments of time but is the most unforgettable and scary moment of your existence. So powerful that you become weak kneed afterwards and must sit down to recover. 

During those moments of the most intense fear you've ever known, your mind doesn't focus on the weather, the color of flowers nearby, or anything else unrelated to pure and simple assessment of threats and calculating the best choices. Some people have been known to freeze, like a deer in headlights. 

So let's say for example, a robber suddenly surprises you when you walk into a bank.  They have a gun pointed at your forehead. Then the next thing you remember is waking up in an ambulance because you were assaulted from behind and knocked unconscious.

Now imagine you are being questioned later about the incident. They ask you what poster was on the wall in the bank to your left when the robber was holding you at gunpoint. It's very unlikely you'll remember obscure things such as this when you're in a survival mode focused on what to do about the guy with the gun pointed at your head.

In 2017 I acquired Functional Neurological Disorder which my physician thinks was from a brain stem injury that occurred years earlier while serving in the US Navy. I now receive disability income from the VA for this. 

This aggravated and triggered my PTSD which I've had since my youth. At the same time I was experiencing a perfect storm series of traumatic life events. I was incapacitated and at times couldn't even stand up or hold my head up. This caused me to acquire a Somatization Disorder and my "fight or flight" system got triggered and I couldn't calm down again. I thought I was dying and so did my friends and family. I was in that state of fear of having a proverbial gun pointed at my head from PTSD for more than two years.

During this time, my complete focus was on survival. I remember very little of events during this period of my life. I don't know why my wife left me. I just know she was sick and I was doing my best to care for her. Then I got sick and she left. The only explanation she gave me was, "you weren't supposed to get sick."

My belief now is she never loved me and was with me for money. When she got ill she wanted to get a divorce so she could leave more money for her kids. Then when she died, I was banned from the funeral, which coincidently, I had paid for. Just a short time ago I watched the memory video on the funeral home website. It hit me in the gut, she was gay, in the closet and using me. Then during a court deposition I was shown evidence of her attempting to illegally conspire to take business assets from me. 

I don't know why my family is estranged from me. My daughter refuses to talk to me. The last thing I remember was she said, "I don't need your money anymore, I have my own."

The only thing that makes sense to me is she thought when my company got stolen that she was going to need to take care of me. She was already overwhelmed with her own life circumstances and the thought of needing to take on caring for me scared the crap out of her. So she made up an excuse to get mad at me and cut off communication. I suspect that now she's so ashamed, she doesn't have the courage or the character to get honest. It's easier to her to blame shift and demonize me. Deep in her conscience she knows she's living a lie. We all have our own lessons in life. I cry for the pain of her Karma because I know the pain of my own.

I'm not going to speak specific to my career, stolen assets, or friends lost.  Details of evil perpetrated against me by Harry Heyer to steal my life's work can be found by reading depositions in Indiana cause 86C01-2204-PL-000053. Personally I don't believe the program works any longer. 

In spite of what I've been through, I've held my integrity to the best of my ability. No one can honestly deny this reality. Though many (who know better) doubt me anyway.

I will say this. I lived on about $1,500 per month for three years before I was awarded my VA disability. Despite this, I created an enviable lifestyle admired by many. I've also found true love with the most amazing and wonderful person I've ever known. She is a living personification of peace and love. 

I've suffered tremendously and unnecessarily due to unfathomable cruelty and lack of compassion from people who claimed to love and care about me. 

I've been able to rebuild myself with the scraps of my life that were left. I have persevered and survived. Those who did their best to exploit my illness severely underestimated me. Plus they underestimated the power of my good Karma. God has been in charge the whole time. I'm going to be financially compensated for the harm that's been imposed upon me very soon. Let's just say Karma decided some dishonest people should finance an upgrade to my retirement lifestyle.

Karma is real. There's nothing another person can say or do to make me say or do something against my conscience. 

My ultimate outcomes of my decisions are the consequences of my choices to act with integrity to the evil things perpetrated by people living in fear. If you want to be happy, always do the next right thing. Integrity matters.

Thinking Habits That Work Well

Two Wrongs Don't Equal One Right
I don't need to retaliate just because someone else says or does something wrong. Anything I say or do to get even will not resolve or fix anything. It will only result in feeling embarrassed and guilty. Dealing with another's inappropriate behavior by not retaliating is a sign of true strength and power. Coming out of a difficult situation with integrity and respect for my own maturity is far more important than protecting my pride and ego.

I Am Accountable For My Own Actions
There is nothing another person can say or do that can make me say or do something I know is wrong. I can feel mad or angry and still not say or do anything that I will regret or feel guilty about later. Even if some one else says or does something wrong that really upsets me, I am accountable for how I respond. I can rise to a higher, more mature level. I can choose to deal with any situation in a calm, adult manner.

I Am Responsible For My Day
I am responsible for how I feel and for what I do. Nobody can make me feel anything. If I have a rotten day, I am the one who allowed it to be that way. If I have a great day, I am the one who deserves credit for being positive. It is not the responsibility of other people to change so that I can feel better. I am the one who is in charge of my life.

I Don't Have To Control Things
I will survive if things are different than what I want them to be. I can accept things the way they are, accept people the way they are, and accept myself the way I am. There in no reason to get upset if I can't change things to fit my idea of how they ought to be. There is no reason why I should have to like everything. Even if I don't like it, I can live with it.

Everybody Doesn't Have To Love Me
Not everybody has to love me, or even like me. I don't necessarily like everybody I know, so why should everybody else like me? I enjoy being liked and being loved but if somebody doesn't like me, I will still be OK. and still feel like I am an OK. person. I can't "make" somebody like me any more than someone can get me to like them. I don't need approval all the time. If someone does not approve of me, I will still be OK.

It Is OK To Make Mistakes
It is OK. to make a mistake. Making mistakes is something we all do, and I am still a fine and worthwhile person when I make a mistake. There is no reason for me to get upset when I make a mistake. I am trying and if I make a mistake, I am going to continue trying. I can handle making a mistake. It is OK. for others to make mistakes too. I will accept mistakes in myself and also mistakes that others make.

Other People Are OK And I Am OK
People who do things I don't like are not necessarily bad people. They should not necessarily be punished just because I don't like what they do or did. There is no reason why another person should be the way I want them to be; and there is no reason why I should be the way somebody else wants me to be. People will be whatever they want to be, and I will be whatever I want to be. I cannot control other people, or change them. They are who they are; we all deserve basic respect and reasonable treatment.

I Can Handle It When Things Go Wrong
I don't need to watch out for things to go wrong. Things usually go just fine and when they don't, I can handle it. I don't have to waste my energy worrying. The sky won't fall in; things will be OK.

It Is Important To Try
I can. Even though I may be faced with difficult tasks, it is better to try than to avoid them. Avoiding a task does not give me any opportunities for success or joy, but trying does. Things worth having are worth the effort. I might not be able to do everything, but I can do something.

I Am Capable
I don't need someone else to take care of my problems. I am capable. I can take care of myself. I can make decisions for myself. I can think for myself. I don't have to depend on somebody else to take care of me.

I Can Change
I can change. I don't have to be a certain way because of what has happened in the past. Everyday is a new day. It's silly to think I can't help being the way I am. Of course I can.

Other People Are Capable
I can't solve other people's problems for them. I don't have to take on other people's problems as if they were my own. I don't need to change other people, or fix up their lives. They are capable and can take care of themselves, and can solve their own problems. I can care and be of some help, but I can't do everything for them.

I Can Be Flexible
There is more than one way to do something. More than one person has good ideas that will work. There is no one and only best way. Everybody has ideas that are worthwhile. Some may make more sense to me than others but everyone's ideas are worthwhile, and everyone has something worthwhile to contribute.