I have a special relationship with loneliness. We've been together as long as I can remember. There may be a core aspect of this that's fear. I know my whole life has been fear driven. Especially a fear to say no because the direct and natural consequence is the overwhelming monster "loneliness".
Right now I'm trying to determine why it's a monster. I have discovered I have an inordinate and extreme need to be touched. It's very core habit level. I have also discovered that simply requesting my daughter to come and sit with me and touch my shoulder for an hour or so calms me sufficiently to feel back in control of myself.
On another note, the guy that took over my practice, hereafter to be referred to as "Judas", has decided to no longer make his payments to me. He is currently paying zero. Hey wtf it was only 35 years of my life's work which he's converted to himself through dishonest deception because I trusted him. I thought he really got the integrity message but I now know he doesn't. He's totally self centered and greed driven. But he's a wolf in sheeps clothing.
So I'm assessing my options again. I've decided to trade my truck for something less expensive.
Did you know that over half the population of the world don't have enough food to eat? I assure you, anything I've got to worry about is first world problems.